Approaching negativity without energizing it

I’ve got to admit… sometimes it feels awesome to throw a fit. When all hell is breaking loose and people or events are conspiring against you… your inner two year old just wants to throw a big o’ tantrum. You’re mad. You’re frustrated. You just want to vent.

Things aren’t going my way! Whhhhhy????

You rehash what’s got you worked up. You go over the most annoying parts… looking for validation. Doesn’t this suck? Isn’t this messed up?

You blame and complain….

“They didn’t get that back to me on time.”
“It costs too much money.”
“She doesn’t get it. She dropped the ball.”

You justify your response.

“I have a right to be upset…”
“If they hadn’t have done xyz… I wouldn’t have done abc…”
“I got so frustrated because they just wouldn’t….”
“Wouldn’t you have done the same thing?”

Until you realize you feel worse. That what you’re doing just underscored and energized the problem.

You’ve done nothing truly productive.

So what’s the alternative?

Certainly, you don’t want to bottle it up inside. That’s repression.

You don’t want to just put a smiley sticker on it and say that everything’s fine… when it’s not.

The question then is…

How do we talk about things in our lives and business that bother us, and really get it out, without fueling all the negativity and energizing what you don’t want?

Here’s what I do:

1. Get it out, but in a contained way. To do this, I often say… “I’m putting this in a box to discuss it.”  And limit my vent to defined amount of time. When I’m done, I’m done.

This acknowledges that you are delineating your tantrum… eeer, I mean, venting. ;-)

When you’re done with that…

2. Take 100% responsibility for your results. Zero blame. 100% responsibility. No matter what. You are the creator of your life. Take ownership.

3. Look for the lesson in the situation. There’s always a lesson. See it and learn it, as quickly as possible. The faster you do this, the faster what’s got you hooked disappears from your life. You’ve got to learn the lesson, otherwise, it’s on repeat. Ever wonder why there are patterns in your life that repeat themselves?

4. Understand the Truth. Inevitably there is some misunderstanding and confusion in how you’re understanding the Laws of the Universe. Get clear on this so you can get good with these immutable Laws.

5. Look for the opportunity. There is always one. Usually, it’s a growth opportunity. Yup. Another f– growth opportunity. ;-) You are meant to grow. Don’t resist this.

6. Act on the solution. Actually, solve the problem. What’s the solution? Focus your conversation on the solution. Then, even if the solution is uncomfortable, do it. This situation is begging you to solve this problem. If you don’t, it just keeps coming back.

7. Refocus. Once you find a solution and are done discussing it… shift your energy and focus towards what you do want. Do this immediately. Don’t let that space get filled with what you don’t want. Focus entirely on what you want.

Got that? Good. :)

Now rock out those solutions and be unstoppable in your business.