Relationships are essential to our survival as humans. Still, they can pose many of their own challenges when it comes to experiencing an income breakthrough, quantum leaping our lives, or achieving our most exciting goals!!
Do you struggle to attract the RIGHT relationships personally and professionally?
That could be hiring the right team, working with the right professionals, creating balance with your work and your family, or creating a truly lit up romantic partnership.
Whatever the case may be for you, today I’m excited to dive into a new Unstoppable Blueprint on…
9 Tips for Creating Next Level Relationships
- Know how to choose the RIGHT relationships. This means hiring the right team, working with the right companies, signing up with the right mentors, spending time with the right friends, and shacking up with the right partner! Regardless, you have to know how to choose the RIGHT people rather than just allowing anyone into your life and business. So how do you do this?!Start by being EXTREMELY CLEAR on what you’re looking for (which involves assessing current and prospective relationships). What is the role, and what are your wants and needs? What do you deeply desire to FEEL in any given relationship (yes, even with the cleaning company you hire as much as the best friend or lover)? What role does this person play in your life? (People get very confused about this, thinking someone is there to do things for them that is not really their role.) If you don’t know what you want and need, you’re more likely to attract the wrong people or end up in situations that range from awful to those that aren’t bad but also aren’t ideal, fulfilling, or aligned. Get very clear on the roles, responsibilities, and desired feelings… envision this! And make a list!
It might take several rounds before you find the right people, because there may be things you don’t realize you want, need, or value until you’re with the wrong ones. For example, we brought on a new Marketing Manager last summer that we wanted to love… but it ended up being the wrong person for our team and our needs. On the second go-around, we thought we’d found another ideal fit, only for them to leave before they began and us to discover even more insight around who the right person would be. THEN! At the beginning of this year, we found our PERFECT FIT, and she has helped us launch and grow so many fantastic initiatives!! You must be willing to “get it wrong” as many times as it takes to get it really, really right. :-)
- Take 100% responsibility for your relationships. If you’re feeling pissed off or resentful towards others, you have to take ownership of your experience and work to show up differently. Why? Because you’re always first cause. Yes, really… even with other people involved!! You are always creating your outcomes. Zero exception.
One of my clients recently faced this in their business. They were pissed that another member of the project made more money than they did on a particular deal. This was a perfect opportunity to ask, “Am I just mad about wanting something that I’m not getting and blaming someone else for that? How would I get what I wanted? Is there cause for course correction here?” They had to take ownership of their results and do the work to show up differently. This is The Law of Cause and Effect… if you don’t like the results and outcomes you’re experiencing, what new cause do you need to put into effect to create something different? For instance… Do you need to adjust the terms of a deal? Do you need to work with someone else? Do you need to communicate or do something differently? Do you change your perspective?Let’s look at this from another angle… you are going to want to look at The Law of Vibration here. If you’re showing up at a lower frequency, you’re going to attract lower level experiences. If you’re unhappy with how your partner is showing up in your romantic relationship (as was the case with another client of mine recently), you need to change how YOU show up first. Raise your vibration and operate at the higher level that you desire right now. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING. AND QUICKLY. In a matter of days, this particular client took responsibility for her attitude, did a 180° with her own energy and what she was putting into the relationship, and now they’re happy love bugs again… but bigger than that, clarity and resolution in her business became evident and she’s fast tracking a huge upward trajectory. There are no coincidences.
- Don’t be a victim. This is very similar to taking personal responsibility. When I went through my divorce, there was a moment when I was sitting on the couch with my ex (because we still lived together and were still each other’s best friend!!) when a friend of ours sent a group text. The short: he was calling me selfish and making me wrong for leaving!I turned to my ex and said, “you know… he’s making you the victim here… do you want that?” His answer was no, of course not. In what looked like an “I got your back, buddy” text it was really a pigeon-holing both of us as persecutor and victim. My ex wrote back and we were all good.
But look, things are going to happen. Relationships will fall apart, people will come up short, and team members won’t work out. Someone may leave or reject you. Whatever happens, don’t make yourself a victim!! Don’t take on that role even if the rest of the world sees through the lens of persecutor and victim. You don’t have to.
Talk about The Law of Vibration here. If you’re walking around believing you’re the victim and letting that energy weigh you down, you’ll continue to create situations that reinforce that belief. Take ownership. No one is doing anything TO you, and you are more than capable of creating BETTER situations and experiences. Own that.
- Clean up your communication. Here’s another variation of taking total ownership! If you’re feeling irritated, agitated, or frustrated, there’s likely something you’re not clear on or not cleanly communicating.For example, last year, we hired a company to help us with some of our marketing. While we loved the strategy, the owner of the company, and the approach they took in general, there was always something that felt off in our weekly meetings. This meant I found myself irritated more often than not. Ugh!! That’s not the vibration I want to be operating at! My first approach was to work with my communication. Was I being clear? Was I asking for what I wanted? Was I expressing where I didn’t understand something or when I was looking for something different? After giving that my best, I tuned in and got clear that this wasn’t a fit and we went our separate ways. Now cleaning up my communication in this example may not have created the outcome of a continued working relationship, it did do two very positive things. First, it allowed me to move on without any remuneration, guilt, or shame. I had done my best. CLEAN! And thus nothing to hold me back from continued momentum. Second, it showed me that I really wanted someone in-house on my team for this work, which we now have and that’s working out amazingly.
Communication is key in all relationships. That’s kind of obvious. I don’t care if we’re talking about your assistant, a team member, a contractor, a lover, your kids, your parents… the question really is… Are you owning your clarity in communication? Or are you stuck in frustration and blaming others? You will know the answer to this by how you feel.
- Move out of scarcity and be willing to walk away. A scarcity mindset is often what keeps us stuck in relationships, partnerships, and engagements that don’t work. We’re afraid that “this is as good as it’s gonna get!” Or, in our business, we get worried that if we let the pain in the butt client go, we’re not going to have enough money.
This simply isn’t true! In fact, this is The Law of Sacrifice at play. To create something of a higher nature, we must be willing to sacrifice something of a lower nature. If your client is driving you nuts, mistreating your team, and lowering your profit margins, cut them loose! Make space for the RIGHT clients to come in. That’s a pretty obvious example, but what about the less obvious examples where it may not be obvious that you’re accepting something of a lower nature.This was the case with my marriage… now, to be clear, my ex wasn’t a pain in the butt at all and was a standup guy. I talked ALL about my divorce in a recent podcast episode!
Here’s the short: I did the work. I took ownership, showed up differently, and communicated clearly. I wasn’t perfect, none of us are, but I didn’t abdicate responsibility… and after doing this, the relationship still wasn’t the container that worked for either of us anymore. I realized it wasn’t changing and I wasn’t in a partnership that would allow me to create the lit up, turned on life I desired!! I had to ask myself honestly, “do I want to stay small??” The answer was no. (He had to ask himself the same questions too.) Now, I’m in a powerhouse relationship and having the best sex of my life!! But that wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t been willing to sacrifice something of a lower nature. This is necessary for growth!! But it’s not automatic, you must keep growing and holding yourself to higher standards.
- Don’t make the other person wrong. Total ownership, remember? I’ve touched on this concept in the other points I’ve made, but it’s worth calling out on it’s own. When you make the other person wrong, you’re vibrating from a place of wrongness and perpetuating that. The thing that you want to avoid by blaming someone else and calling what they did or said wrong, is being wrong yourself. Yet, in doing so it is the very thing that you are creating more of in your life and your relationships. What we put out gets reflected back to us!! That’s the Law. Sometimes that’s immediate, and sometimes it comes back around like a boomerang a little while later. Either way, it’s not good for stepping into more!! Step out of the right/wrong paradigm. Try acceptance instead.
- Pay attention to projection. If you try to blame someone else for what you feel and the experience you’re having… there’s a good chance you’re projecting your issues onto them. We all do this to some degree; it’s a normal human defense mechanism!This can look like resenting your partner and considering them selfish for taking time to themselves because you resent the fact that you never do. It can be blaming a team member for being disorganized and causing missed deadlines when you’re the one who isn’t on top of your time management and keeps forgetting to handle the critical tasks each day. It might even be resenting your coach and how they run their business because you haven’t been able to set your own boundaries in place.However it shows up for you, it’s important to become aware of it and own it fully!! When you do, your relationships will be so much better and you will have stepped into your power so much more fully.
- Be on the wavelength of the people you want to attract. Do you want to find a friend group that enjoys dinner parties or takes group trips? Do you want a partner that ravishes you every time they see you? Do you want a team that kicks ass and dominates in your industry? Do you want high-end clients that easily drop tens of thousands of dollars on your offerings?Remember The Law of Vibration! Show up at the frequency of what you desire. BE that person NOW. Live your life that way. Run your business at that level. And remember, how you THINK and FEEL about yourself matters big time!! It influences your energetic state, who you’re being in the world, and the frequency you put out. When I’m feeling hot and sexy, that’s exactly when my man calls!!! ;-) There are no coincidences.
- Understand that security doesn’t come from other people. It comes from YOU. Yes, of course we love the company of other people. We are, each of us to varying degrees, social creatures. I’m not anti-people! Lol! But here’s the distinction… The good that we desire comes through other people. Money comes from Source through people. That book deal comes from Source through people. The business deal comes from Source through people. The hot, intimate, passionate relationship comes from Source through another person. It comes through other people not from them. This is such an important distinction. (I feel a podcast episode brewing on this!! There’s so much to say.) Suffice it to say, most people place their hope, belief, and security in other people and stop there. But knowing how to hook yourself up to Source will forever change how you experience security. No longer will you live in worry, doubt, or fear of what other people will say or do and what they think of you. No longer will you make yourself small for other people because you think your safety and security comes from them. When you realize that you must work on the level of source, not symptoms everything changes. You will own your outcomes and your life. You will own your security.
When you have this, it becomes easier to form solid relationships of all kinds! You’re comfortable talking to anyone, and you let go of the fear of rejection.
Is Your Relationship Hindering Growth?
This is an important question to ask yourself, and one I had to ask myself when I was married.
I talked ALL about this in a recent episode on The Unstoppable Woman Podcast. Yep! I got very personal and talked about my divorce. I shared how and why my ex and I decided to set each other free from what was, in many ways, a really good marriage.
I want to preface this episode by saying that I am not pro-divorce, I am very much pro-love, and this truly is the love episode.
Additionally, Sarah on Team Unstoppable asked me a ton of questions about this and we go even deeper with this topic in our special “Unpacking the Episode” conversation! If you had questions for me while listening to the divorce episode, you’re not going to want to skip this. :-)
So tell me… which of the above stood out to you the most, and around what relationships??
What new causes will you put into effect, and what Universal Laws caught your attention?