Self-worth is one of the most critical pieces in terms of your ability to have more, be more, do more, and expand your capacity to receive in this life. In fact, raising your self-worth is KEY to unlocking your earning potential, because we can only receive as much as we think we are worthy of receiving!!
We live in a vibrational universe, which means we magnetize things to us based on how we’re vibrating. So, if your level of self-worth is low in any area, you will only be a match to things of a lower nature*.
Today I’m sharing my own story about how I kept breaking through to the next level by raising my own self-worth, and we’ve turned it into a blueprint on how to raise your self worth too.
Everything you could possibly want to know!! :-)
My life before consciously raising my self-worth was good, but it wasn’t EXCEPTIONAL…
I really felt like my life was good before I started this work in-depth… I had a good attitude, a good marriage, a good house to live in, and was making good money. It wasn’t as if everything was going to hell in a handbasket. Yet, I was always worried on some level about what people would think of me and whether what I did would make others happy. On the inside I was a “scared bunny rabbit.” Turns out, being driven by these worries is a clear indication of a lack of personal self-worth. It’s taken me a long time to really see the depth of this, and to be honest, I’m still learning the subtleties of this every day. It’s a journey!
But let’s go back a few years…
What did this actually look like? It looked like doing more of what others wanted to do (especially with my husband) over and above what I truly wanted and tolerating lower standards than I would have desired in myself, my life, my relationships, my home, and my business. I wasn’t taking a strong stand for what I really wanted.
On the outside this translated to… feeling frumpy and being about 30lbs overweight. My clothes didn’t fit well, I didn’t go shopping all that often, much less relish in caring for myself or getting dressed. If I did go shopping, I often compromised on what I really wanted to buy…buying what was on sale, the good deal and not what I TRULY DESIRED for myself… and that was a direct reflection of my own self-worth. I didn’t believe I deserved BETTER. I didn’t even take time and care to get ready everyday… hell, sometimes I didn’t even change out of my sleep clothes or brush my teeth!!! It didn’t happen all that often, but often enough. (Ugh! I seriously can’t believe that that was me!)
And looking around at my environment, the house I lived in, there was always something not quite right. Don’t get me wrong… it wasn’t bad, horrible, or even ugly… in a lot of ways it was quite lovely! But it just wasn’t right. I was constantly irritated things weren’t the way I wanted them to be. I kept hitting a wall of not being able to get what I wanted and the interior decorating projects a half-finished mishmash. Yes, in part this was because my husband didn’t want to spend the money, but also because of my own money mindset. So I did one thing at a time around the house… first a new couch… then a new table… some high-end wall sconces… but it was hacked together instead of polished. It didn’t reflect the level of beauty I wanted for my space.
The list goes on… but the basic description would be good not great. Zero to complain about and tons of stuff that felt off or not really the way I wanted to be living.
How I started raising my self-worth…
There were a lot of little ways I began raising my self-worth, BUT WARNING: This might trigger you! I totally get it if it does, but keep reading. It’s important work!!! These are my examples of my path, but think about how this applies to you whether you’re far beyond this or this seems like the ravings of a privileged person.
- Investing in getting my nails done and my hair colored and blown out at a salon. The nails in particular were a relatively small investments, but it felt like a huuuuuuge stretch to me!! Doing this required that I overcome my belief that it was frivolous to spend money on my looks and self-care. Spending money on books or education? No problem! Spending on travel? Made sense. But beauty??? That seemed totally frivolous.
Then came having someone color my hair for me. (Thank you Sam, if you’re reading this, for gently but firmly nudging me in that direction.) Previously, I happily spent my Sunday afternoons going through the latex gloves and putting hair color in my hair, but really? Even if I could do this… even if it was totally fine too and I could read magazines while chilling out on the bathroom floor and make the best of it… is this how a millionaire treated herself? I wasn’t there yet, but I wanted to be so this was pretty incongruent. Yes, the $12 box of drug store hair color was cheaper and worked just fine, but that wasn’t really the point. It was how I was treating myself. So I upleveled.
- Upgrading the decor in my home office. It really went against my then husband’s stance that “we just didn’t have the money” but I was so done with a rickety, hacked together office. I wanted a bright, clean, fresh room of my own. I wanted a space that was optimistic and made me feel like a million bucks… even before I made that million! ;-) I had to go my own way on this and I spent a few thousand dollars, ordered everything in one fell swoop, and finally had a beautiful and coordinated office that I loved. It upleveled my energy completely and I felt like the behind the scenes (even if no one ever saw) matched who I was. Ahhh, integrity! Finally! (One of the best investments ever.)
- Flying first class everywhere I went. This one was a biggie!! It took me a LONG TIME to pull the trigger on this, even after hearing my mentor in no uncertain terms instruct me: “Back of the car, front of the plane.” That sent my mind reeling! But I had promised myself that I would do everything he told me to do and I knew that he was telling me to hire a driver and fly first so that I would start having a BIG reason to do the work and go for more. Not only is it “the only way to fly” and it feels spacious and delightful but if you’re going to be a multimillionaire you need to start acting like one. YET most of us are trying to hobble our way there and that just doesn’t work.
You should have seen me the first time I bought First Class tickets. Oy! The nerves! And the self-talk: Could I spend that much money? On me? Was it justified? Could I afford it? Would I fit in? Would the other passengers suss me out as an interloper? (So many of my clients have had these same stories in their heads. It’s normal, but it doesn’t mean you stop and run for the hills. In fact, it means just the opposite. It’s go time! Buy the ticket!)
Now Uber makes it easy. Just make sure to choose Uber Black or my favorite, especially for International Travel is Blacklane.com. Professional drivers who meet you at the airport and take care of the luggage are the best!
- I had no idea I had a shoe fetish! Next up I started using a personal shopper at Neiman’s. Again, I initially thought “Do I really belong here? Do I need to be some sort of snobby b—- to shop here?” Oh, the judgements I had! It turns out I could be me, treat everyone with utmost respect, and have a damn good time doing it! I’ve built a friendship with Jaime, the amazing professional I work with, and I now fly to Chicago to shop with her because she gets me, gives me amazing service, and the clothes and shoes! To die for!
I just text her and she holds that day for me. (Plus, I love that they bring you lunch and drinks and all of that when you’re a good customer and there all day. It makes the experience of all-day shopping so much easier.)
When I can’t fly in because of my schedule, she knows my body and style so well, that I trust her to just send me what I need. Most of the time her picks are a great match and she’s always stretching me to be more fashionable and also giving me that politely coded comment when I’m making A REALLY BAD CHOICE. So good to have someone like that in your camp… especially for the woman who feels like she’s new to this whole fashionista world. (Don’t go it alone!)
Plus, I had no idea when I started this journey, but I have a shoe fetish! You should have seen me when I first tried on those sparkly Jimmy Choo shoes and those black suede knee-high Prada boots. Something clicked inside!!
I ended up upgrading EVERYTHING… and still do this. If something felt like a lower vibration or misaligned with who I saw myself to be, I leveled up. From jeans and dresses, t-shirts, underwear, what I slept in… nothing was off limits. My favorite purchase perhaps was the GORGEOUS Max Mara coat I bought in Montreal. To die for!
- Not looking at the price tags… This one can be radically misinterpreted, but go with me here. The next level was DECIDING what I wanted before looking at the pricetag. Did I like it? Did I want it? Deciding yes or no FIRST, before looking at the price… whether this was choosing what I wanted from a menu at a restaurant or clothes in a shop, I stopped making price the deciding factor and started making what I liked and what I wanted the deciding factor. That’s not to say that if a dress is fabulous to me at $1,200 but isn’t at $20,000 I still buy it. Nope! There has to be value there, but I always stretch myself and don’t let the pricetag decide for me. That was a RADICAL shift.
- I moved into nicer and nicer homes. I’ve been in three apartments/condos since I left Wisconsin, and each one has gotten better and better. Before my first move I made the decision to hire an interior decorator to ensure I got the beautiful, luxurious, and polished look I really wanted. Such a great decision and something I never would have spent money on before! In each place, I’ve upgraded the design and I LOVE where I live now. Everyday I wake up grateful and delighted by the beauty, the design, even the luscious sheets I sleep on. I’m sure there are next, next levels… but I’m always grateful.
- I invested in more and more help. When I first started out, pulling the trigger on hiring my first assistant was nerve wracking! I signed up for 10 hours a month, terrified of spending the money. Another #bestdecision though. Now I have over 10 people on my AMAZING TEAM who knock it out of the park each and every day for me. I love having a business that supports so many people. I keep saying yes to more hours, more people, and the growth never stops. (This team includes social media specialists, two marketing managers, administrative assistants, legal, accounting, coaches, a personal assistant, a community manager, and my own mentor among others.)
BUT, raising your self-worth isn’t just about spending money!!
- It also looked like valuing myself and my time and choosing not to rush anymore. Taking my time to get ready to leave the house, rather than always feeling like I was going to be late or holding someone up… something I used to often feel before.
- I created blessed order. Open any drawer or closet door in my home and there is order. Walk into my bedroom and the bed is made. Look in the fridge and it’s bright and clean. The books have their place and even “the junk” closet has order. This brings me so much peace of mind.
- I made the choice not to be in constant overwhelm. I continue to work hard but not from a ‘grind it out’ place that leads to burnout, and instead make choices that lead to more and more delight with my business all the time.
- I lost 30lbs. I choose an eating plan that worked for me and I stuck to it. I stopped being okay with feeling frumpy and seeing a version of myself I didn’t love reflected back in the mirror each day. I wanted to look as fabulous as I felt on the inside, so I stopped making excuses and I put a plan in place to make it happen!!
- I signed up for and finished my first marathon. I stopped believing the lie that I wasn’t athletic… that I could only be ‘the smart one’ in my family… and I started training. I had always wanted to be a runner, so I finally made it happen for myself because it’s WHAT I WANTED. Training itself took a whole heap of upleveling around my self-worth and I’m still in the growth around this!!
- I upleveled my relationships and communication. This has looked like developing systems, processes, and clear boundaries with my clients, as well as my team… letting people go when it felt like too much drama and raising my standards for what it’s like to be on Team Unstoppable.
I took a loving and serious look at my marriage and after deep consideration we decided to separate. Divorce is never easy and I’m not advocating that as a generic answer to what may be going on in your relationship, but we both realized we were settling and decided to stop settling and open up the space for GREAT… and you know what? We made a beautiful decision without creating a huge, painful drama in the process. I’m now in an incredible relationship with an amazing man and I’m having the BEST sex of my life!!! :-) Do you deserve amazing orgasms too? This could be the biggest self-worth piece yet! Lol!
Every time I raised my self-worth and took steps to reflect that in how I treated myself financially, within my relationships and business, and emotionally, I set a new baseline for myself that I refuse to ever drop below again. These things all became the NEW NORM for me, a new level to operate from in my life and in my work.
How to know when you’re bumping up against self-worth issues…
Let’s look at The Unstoppable Blueprint for how you can begin this process yourself!
- First, you have to know when you’re bumping up against your own self-worth issues, which means you have to look at where you’re feeling frustrated with your results. Maybe it’s that you’re always doing laundry or dealing with the yard work. Maybe it’s always feeling rushed or behind. Or maybe it’s the quality of people you’re spending time with and the conversations you’re engaged in, your environment and ecology. Acknowledge where you’re feeling frustration and where you’re tolerating things that aren’t aligned with or at the level of what you WANT.
- Second, start raising your self-worth by choosing something to level up. Start where you are. What’s one thing that you can uplevel now? It could be hiring a housekeeper or a gardner, bringing on a new team member, or sending the kids to daycare certain days of the week. It might be throwing out all the ratty old bras in your dresser, donating all the clothing that has holes in it, and committing to shopping at the higher end stores going forward. Or it might be setting new standards in your personal relationships, investing in your personal growth or skill set, and setting boundaries around work. Pick one thing and start there.
- Third, if what you’re choosing to focus on requires an investment, make the DECISION that you WILL afford it. Decide that you are WORTH IT and then go do what’s required to make the money you need. Take new actions QUICKLY. Hold the commitment and don’t allow yourself to falter because of money. Do not purchase the thing and then guilt trip yourself. Do not purchase the thing and shame yourself into thinking you made a bad decision. This is who you are now, this is your new baseline… your new standard for yourself. There’s no going back.
YES–it’s going to feel awkward at first.
YES–it’s going to feel uncomfortable.
That’s how you know you’re stretching and growing.
Put this higher demand on yourself by stepping into MORE of what you want, and then do what’s required to make the money. This is going to require that you demand more of yourself and that you take DIFFERENT action, but until you put a higher demand on yourself, there’s no reason for you to change and become more.
- Lastly, face all the stories you have about upleveling your self-worth. Stories like… I can’t afford it, I can do it myself, or what will others think? Face the fear and judgment, but take the new actions anyway. Stop holding yourself back. Go! Incrementally at first yet very, very quickly. #RunTheStairs
Most importantly, DON’T STOP going to the next level around your self-worth!!
Just the other day I bumped up against some deeper self-worth stuff around time. I needed a new computer, but kept putting it off. My laptop was five years old and the speed was beginning to slow me down. It wasn’t about having enough money, it was another layer of my “I don’t have enough time” belief… which 100% stems from self-worth. So I MADE the time. I went to the Apple store and got a new laptop… and you know what? It was fast and easy and it’s my new standard for myself… when I need something, I make the time to make it happen. Period.
How will you start leveling up your self-worth today?
What lower vibrational people, things, or experiences can be released and replaced with higher vibrational people, things, and experiences?
Go clean out your underwear drawer and buy some beautiful new pieces.
Head to a higher end store for your clothing or home goods.
Hire the better team, bring on a housekeeper, or ask for support from your family.
Buy a first class ticket for your next trip, take your time getting ready, ask for what you really want.
What is ONE THING you’ll do TODAY to start this process?